Cold and Wet

Today the men and I spent time looking in the fields for Kiowa’s body.  The weather was cold and rainy.  It was slippery wet mud everywhere we walked.  Some places we walked we would have to walk with mud all the way up to our wastes.  After some time we eventually found his foot and had to dig his body out of the mud.  A boy was looking for a picture of a girl that was his ex-girlfriend.  He knew he let Kiowa look at it and figured he still had in his pocket or something.  I told the boy just to send a letter to the girl and get a new one.  He said she wouldn’t because she found someone else.  I let him search for it.  I started to write a letter to Kiowa’s father. It was very difficult for me; I didn’t know what to write to him.  Being here in the rain loosing my men has been making me so upset.  I no longer want to be here.  I don’t want to be the one in charge of leading these men.  I guess I never wanted this but I knew its what I have to do.  I dream about how bad I want to go back home to New Jersey.  I think about the sun beating down and the grass so lush and green.  I would be on the golf course that afternoon.  I want out of this war now.